“Oh so you’re that girl.”
“The one that passes out.”
“Yup that’s me.”
I have this conversation quite often with many people. I’ve been inspired recently to just be open and honest with people about why I’m often found in the hospital or skipping class unexpectedly.
When I was 4 years old, my parents noticed something about me that separated me from the other kids at school. When taking me to school or Sunday school at church, I began having severe panic attacks. Because of this my parents stopped sending me to Sunday school, however I continued to go to school.
As the years went by they only go worst. I began having major panic attacks over the “little things” that people would think it wasn’t that big of a deal. I panicked and cried over everything that didn’t go right, such as forgetting my homework, getting called on, or even forgetting a school supply.
When I was 10 years old and in the 4th grade and I began talking differently then the other kids. That was when I had developed a speech impediment. I stuttered constantly and it came out of the ordinary. But little did I know that in just 3 more years I would find out why.
When I was 13 years old and in the 7th grade, I went to school feeling super sick. We had a bathroom break that afternoon where I began to feel this funny feeling in my body that I have always felt my whole life. My teacher sent me to the nurses office and called my mom. When I went back to my classroom to get my stuff, I took a few steps and immediately passed out. I was sent to the hospital and was told it was from dehydration. I rested that weekend and went back to school where I passed out again, and the next day, and the next day, and the next. It went on the point where I couldn’t finish out my 7th grade year and had to finish it at home.
As the passing out continued I was sent to multiple doctors and little did I know that I would be diagnosed with a severe anxiety disorder. My anxiety gets so bad that body completely shuts down and I pass out. I have learned that this is completely normal and because of this I have met people who are just like me and that’s so comforting to know. I have also learned that my anxiety has developed my speech impediment. When being diagnosed with anxiety, all the pieces finally connected and the puzzle was solved.
Everything finally made sense.
I’m 19 years old almost 20 and still suffer from pass outs. But I am getting so much better and so much stronger. I went from passing out 2-3 times a day to hardly any at all.
It feels great to finally let this out in the open. I believe if we all share our stories maybe we can impact people.
Thank y’all for taking the time to read this.